28JAN09:
Q1-09 DOW: 8900
Q2-09 DOW: 7250
Q3-09 DOW: 5810
Q4-09 DOW: 3960
CITI NATIONALIZED
OBAMA GETS SICK 27AUG09:
Mini Crash 21SEP09 Predicted correctly:
Bailout=Bonuses
Demise of Bear Stearns
Demise of Lehman Bros.
Demise of AIG
Subprime would cause problems
Date of 2007 crash
CRAs were to blame
G20 riots were a party
Northern Rock run
Northern Rock Nationalization
HBOS and RBS demise
UBS really was Useless
I am updating you on some recent developments in your investment in the Fintag Illiquid Distressed Crap Fund. As I said in my last communique, the fund acquired a huge tranche of Lehman assets. Given this is now worthless, the partners have agreed to file for a USD45billion claim against Lehman because everyone else seems to be doing so as well.
In the meantime, we would like to report that with this new valuation, your investment has increased 13,244,556 percent. The fund is still gated but we hope to restore redemptions in the near future.
Given the performance fee will enable me and my fellow partners [Editor: You mean me?] to enjoy the rest of our lives living on a huge yacht, eating at the best restaurants every night and groping nubile young wenches we would like to thank you for your continued interest and support in this investment opportunity.
Yours forever,
Finbar Taggit CEO.
HEDGE FUNDS LOOK TO POLICY EXPERTS TO DECODE WASHINGTON
Investment banks aren't the only ones on Wall Street who are seeking specialists to help them take advantage of changing government policy on issues such as health care. Hedge funds, it seems, are increasingly seeking the counsel of policy experts in order to make more informed investment decisions in the years ahead.
Pending legislation in areas such as health care, financial services and carbon emissions are expected to change the regulatory landscape, and hedge funds are want to be on top of the broader issues, BusinessWeek reports.
Fintag says Us hedgies are going mainstream. We have ditched our skateboarder pants and are jumping into bed with the loud and the stupid.
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE... WITH THE SOUND OF HEDGE FUNDS
Visitors to Pfäffikon, a small Swiss town on the shores of lake Zurich, would never suspect that they were in a hedge fund hot spot. But many have followed in the wake of London-based Man Group, the world's largest publicly traded hedge fund, which set up a base in the Swiss mountains several years ago. They are coming from the UK, seeking lower taxes, less regulation and a friendly welcome, far from public anger about bonuses.
Fintag says Switzerland is a really nice, lazy place but it has one serious drawback which is why I would struggle to live there - the food.
mail online says " Top banker 'spied on cheating wife and then strangled her' "
NAPF TO MCCREEVY: ALTERNATIVE FUND MANAGERS' DIRECTIVE “MISGUIDED”
The proposed Alternative Investment Fund Managers Directive is in some respects “misguided” and would reduce investment returns and increase risk, the UK's National Association of Pension Funds (NAPF) has claimed.
In a letter released today to European commissioner for internal market and services Charlie McCreevy, the trade body said it welcomed certain aspects of the directive, such as the "EU passport" needed by alternative investment fund managers to market their products to European investors.
Fintag says More like back door imperialism. The Chinese already own Africa and soon Germany will annex Britain as an offshore financial center.
telegraph says " Sweeping new powers could see Brussels seize control of City "
guardian says " EU unveils plan for banking 'super-watchdog' "
Funds of hedge funds group EIM said on Wednesday it has appointed Deutsche Bank (DBKGn.DE) to help it create a dedicated managed accounts platform, where Deutsche will handle servicing and risk monitoring.
"Deutsche Bank was selected by EIM based on the bank's proven experience in managed accounts and its expertise in execution, management and operational oversight," EIM said in a statement.
Fintag says EIM, as in Arki Busson, as in Kill Bill, as in nubile young wenches. Looks like he is outsourcing all the hard bits so he can concentrate on what he is best at - Public Relations and raising assets. I have to say this is an interesting move, especially into managed accounts, and I wonder if we will see many more Fund of Hedge Funds handing over their operations to third parties with balance sheet resources. Investors will like this, I am sure.
Mind you, I wouldn't hand anything of mine to the Germans right now for obvious reasons...
financial news says " Hedge funds yet to budge on fees or liquidity terms "
bloomberg says " Hedge-Fund Assets Rose $21.4 Billion in August, Report Shows "
EX-BEAR HEDGE FUND MANAGER ACCUSED OF 'OBSTRUCTION'
The fraud trial of two former Bear Stearns hedge fund managers is set to begin in less than a month, but new accusations and counteraccusations continued to fly this week in court.
In their latest missives to the court, prosecutors accused Ralph Cioffi, the manager of the two collapsed Bear hedge funds, of seeking to tamper with evidence and witnesses and demanded a reconsideration of his bail terms. The government also demanded that it be allowed to present evidence that a computer and several notebooks belonging to the funds' chief operating officer, Matthew Tannin, are missing.
Fintag says Several notebooks! As ex Investment Bankers, we all have those blue and black hardback books where we write our notes. I never realised they could be used in court. I really need to learn how to write in encrypted short hand - just in case.
Large financial institutions will be prevented from receiving an implicit government subsidy, Tim Geithner, US Treasury secretary, and Barney Frank, chairman of the House financial services committee, insisted on Wednesday.
The Treasury's desire to prevent large, failing financial companies such as Lehman Brothers and AIG from threatening the entire system has sparked fears that “too big to fail” companies will benefit from lower borrowing costs because they are implicitly protected by the government.
Fintag says Too late TFG. They are too big to fail. You need to break them up. Now. Immediately.
monkey busness says " Superheroes Rescue Plan "Out of this World!" (Part I) "
Steep investment losses have caused painful cutbacks at some of the nation's best-known universities over the most recent fiscal year and have prompted questions about whether their endowments are taking too much risk. But as the schools, one by one, disclose their numbers, the managers of these endowments are indicating their continued support for a diversified portfolio chock full of alternative investments like hedge funds, private equity and real estate — the very things that have caused so much trouble.
Fintag says Wow, they still have huge pots of money and are the envy of the world. Stop complaining.
RATING agency Moody's will enter the firing line today, when one of its former executives tells a congressional hearing that the company was giving inflated ratings to securities as early as this year.
Eric Kolchinsky will also tell the US House Oversight and Government Reform Committee that Moody's puts revenues from its clients before the accuracy of its ratings.
Fintag says Shocking stuff. Really shocking. As you know I have banged on about CRAs for years but this is truly shocking. I will have to lie down now.
12 comments
anonymous said ...
Last
24 Sep 09 - 08:24 gmt
anonymous said ...
Second quartile
24 Sep 09 - 08:58 gmt
William Tell said ...
Quote: "Switzerland is a really nice, lazy place but it has one serious drawback which is why I would struggle to live there - the food."
Whoa...wait a second! As a British you don't have a right to criticize other people's food (nor to call them lazy).
24 Sep 09 - 09:14 gmt
anonymous said ...
it's a bit like a swissie not waning to move to the UK cos he finds the football there crap.....
24 Sep 09 - 11:03 gmt
dickfromEgg said ...
its a free mkt- where the hedge funds go so will the food. Give it enough hedgies and a bit of time and Zurich might offer more than Rosti
24 Sep 09 - 12:08 gmt
Moron said ...
zurich offers a great alternative romance industry......aka prostitutes....always believed there is a strong correlation between alternative investments and alternative romance....since we r all a bunch of nutters who don't play by the rules anyway:))))
24 Sep 09 - 15:19 gmt
Jaa said ...
Moron.. see you in zurich
24 Sep 09 - 15:56 gmt
Moron said ...
but then I forgot to mention....women are all whores anyway....some admit it...many don't...but they all think like a bunch of two bit hookers!!!!
24 Sep 09 - 18:43 gmt
anonymous said ...
Not sure what bad Swiss food has to do with banker finding his girlfriend is cheating so he kills her.
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