THE FINTAG NEWSLETTER
@ Tue 12 May 2009 : GMT

FINTAG COMMENT

Vanity.

"Need we wonder if even for a moment it ever occurred to them that rich people have feelings too?" Tom Wolfe, London Evening Standard (free edition - normally 50p) 11 May 2009.

Novelists are great commentators. They see the world differently and none more so than those who write about finance.

Most people who work in finance are assholes. I am a big one and most of my friends are even bigger. We think we are better than everyone else and it makes sense because we are. But there were times when we were not. We were cuddly. Now if we are told otherwise then we get all defensive and take it out on the nearest half asleep quant.

Bean Counting
Yesterday I was outed as a Chartered Accountant. Its a professional qualification that in the UK is seen in a higher light than the MBA which is seen as all trousers and no action. In the City and Wall Street, you need a number of personality traits. Autism is one. Lying is another. Bipolar Disorder comes in handy. A big mouth and a dab hand at knowing where to take clients for a good time is useful. But number 1 is a good track record of academic excellence (or a brilliantly faked resume / cv).

Finance is a closed club and only those with the requisite traits and skills are allowed in. In fact getting in is easier than getting out. It truly is a prison for the insane.

As mentioned yesterday, I am consulting on a new novel about the hedonistic lifestyle us hedgies lead. I may give the impression that most of us are dull geeks who under other circumstances would have been train drivers or in prison, but it is not true. Some of us are very naughty. We have too much money [Editor: You mean did] and enjoying Mick Jagger like debauchery. We transcend soap opera and live a life of unphathomable fantasy.

Our lives, just like our hedge funds, are opaque since the regulators have never wanted to air us in public. Just like a British MP who has for years used his expense account to repair moats, buy bath plugs and pay someone to cut the hedge with scissors without any of us knowing, their world has now changed. So now it is my turn to be outed, not as an Accountant (if only) but as a once perfect specimen of a human being to one of contradiction and irrationality. Spilling the beans seems necessary to put the record straight.

Help needed
As a dysfunctional man with ham fisted blackberry thumbs, I have been providing anecdotes to a professional writer who is turning this into a bonfire of liars' poker for the 21st Century. The plan is to write like Charles Dickens who wrote in instalments before sticking them up together at the end and producing a book, film and opera (only kidding). The publishing world is a spent business model and this is a new approach which so far is working. The world of advances and pumping thousands on unknown authors is not appropriate in an age when fearful cost cutting is the new black.

Unlike the markets, which are living on false hopes and expectations. It amazes me how those who are running the show are believing their own hype but as consipracy theorists would point out, the markets have rallied after the G20 because the G20 decided to gag the media.

The fundamentals are shockingly bad. But we don't want to believe them. I am selling in May and going away because history shows the summer is not a good time to be investing. There are many more important things to do like killing ex colleagues and having a good time whilst covered in white powder [Editor: Steady].

BUDGET GAP IS REVISED TO SURPASS $1.8 TRILLION

new york timesFintag says
Have you ever seen such denial? Are we really so stupid to think this isn't a serious problem? The numbers say this and our heads say "big debt isn't a problem". I am frightened. Truly.

CNBC SLIPS PERSONAL PORN AGENDA INTO CONVERSATION

dealbreakerFintag says
See. The old world sense of fun is no longer profitable. I never understood Playboy. People like Tom Wolfe would write for it and on the next page women would be serially exploited. Thankfully for most women the tables are turned and us men are now being exploited for the way we look thanks to David Beckham. In years to come he will be seen as a turning point in the fall of western civilisation.

Not that the sellers and peddlars of six pack remedies are complaining.

BERNANKE SAYS EARLY RESPONSE TO BANK TESTS ENCOURAGING

reutersFintag says
I am crying really hard. It is not a pleasant sight.

GEFFEN SETS SIGHTS ON NY TIMES

ft alphavilleFintag says
Nice building. Bad business model.

DOWNTURN BOTTOMED OUT, TRICHET SIGNALS

financial timesFintag says
OK. I am puttting my neck out. The cliff edge is there. Just in front of you. Rising unemployment, bad debts, deflation, social unrest, zombie companies. Will you be pushed or jump? Or is that a parachute in your bag?

NEW YORK LAWYER PLEADS GUILTY TO HUGE FRAUD

msnbcFintag says
That is a biggy. A man who started life as a respectable lawyer flipped to the dark side...

ECONOMISTS' LETTER SPELLS OUT WHAT WENT WRONG

telegraphFintag says
Thankfully no mention of me.

ROYAL MAIL AND HMG'S CREATIVE ACCOUNTING

bbcFintag says
The humble postman will soon be bringing down the UK government. A vote of no confidence and an election in October.