28JAN09:
Q1-09 DOW: 8900
Q2-09 DOW: 7250
Q3-09 DOW: 5810
Q4-09 DOW: 3960
CITI NATIONALIZED
OBAMA GETS SICK 27AUG09:
Mini Crash 21SEP09 Predicted correctly:
Bailout=Bonuses
Demise of Bear Stearns
Demise of Lehman Bros.
Demise of AIG
Subprime would cause problems
Date of 2007 crash
CRAs were to blame
G20 riots were a party
Northern Rock run
Northern Rock Nationalization
HBOS and RBS demise
UBS really was Useless
So what is the current strategy us hedgies are looking to, to give our investors the alpha that Madoff failed to achieve? Well apart from moving to a nice tax haven and keeping our existing investors [Editor: plural?] warm, we are looking at merger arbitrage, publicly funded infrastructure, hearing aids (ipod related litigation), sustainable timber, carbon trading and anything that is low vol, needs no leverage and is as safe as Bank of America.
The other ideas we are mulling is jumping into bed with distress private equity houses although I would rather run naked down Regent Street handing out 10 dollar bills (better than peanuts) than get close to a spreadsheet modelling debt lovin' hurdle jumping pirate equity executive. But sometimes beggars can't be choosers.
Why you may ask? Well we love a bargain and some of the PE houses are very well connected.
In my own personal time, I have an interest in collectables like proper 1950's art, 17th century French furniture (glass, gloss and ghastly minimalism are so bling and 2008) and of course Barbie Dolls.
Anyway, despite the beatings we got last year, there is good news. Today we see journalists fighting to a bitter death and hedgies coming from the ashes of death. Blackstone is rudderless and the bonus bailout debate rumbles on.
Apology Scotland. Apparently I am not longer allowed to say, taking from a well known BBC journalist, Scottish One Eyed Idiot. This is racist, disablist and intellectualist and in this post modern socialist era humor in the UK is to be banned. So I apologize to my recent outbursts at the Scottish being to blame for the UK's woes (Brown, Darling, RBS, HBOS and Murray for failing to win a grand slam).
Banks being propped up by taxpayers are poised to defy public fury and pay staff bonuses of almost £4billion.
The payouts will cover their work last year, when the financial system was dragged to the brink of collapse by bank risk-taking and greed.
The decisions will pile pressure on Alistair Darling to send a clear message that the party is over.
Fintag says The media have decided that nobody in finance is allowed to earn more than a road sweeper or be seen in public cavorting with a member of the opposite gender. With lustful and greedy kilt wearing Incompetent Bankers making the situation worse and security is being stepped all around the City of London (Mayfair and the Wharf too).
The IRA tried its best to destabilise the establishment but failed. Now it is the turn of the negative equity journo to stick the boot in.
So if someone has made RBS millions in profits, then surely when they entered into the contract that this will be honored. Oh, times have changed and anyway nobody made profits at RBS including this lot in Greenwich (actually not true but I am following the new journo style of journalism):
portfolio says " Treasury delays bank bailout announcement"
I took some of my downtime and spent it on a visit to Seventy Thirty's Victorian offices in a block that houses intimate hedge funds and bijou Arab investors. Their suite is anonymous and sparse, decorated with photographs of Rhodesian ridgebacks (dogs, not women). The telephone never rang. I was confronted by three women, like the witches of Mayfair. They had the polished, gimlet expression and maquillage of postfeminist middle management, each dressed in what you might call Swiss Army black, outfits that can be taken out in any social commercial setting while still flaunting just enough slit cleavage and struggling buttock to imply that there was plenty of 30 to get to know after the 70. They were women who'd made the most of themselves.
Fintag says Time strapped hedge fund geek? Well time strapped should read "hanging onto their existence" and "geek" I find truly offensive. What next? Being labelled Scottish?
So what will happen to the restaurant industry? In my beloved Mayfair, and even more beloved as the place emptys out and my favourite eateries are long full of stray tourists, I am concerned. The best will survive but many other goodies will go under because they just will. And all because finance types are no longer allowed to be seen having fun any more. Looks like AA Gill will be out a job soon and that is to be applauded.
Have you ever eaten sandwiches at your desk? I certainly haven't and don't intend to.
The fund, called Pershing Square IV, is down nearly 90 percent this year, and Mr. Ackman has been feeling pressure from investors who want to take their money out. In an effort to mollify those investors, Mr. Ackman apologized for the losses in a letter sent on Sunday. He personally committed $25 million to the fund to help pay investors.
“Bottom line, PSIV has been one of the greatest disappointments of my career to date,” Mr. Ackman said in the letter. “That said, we continue to believe that we will ultimately be successful in our investment in Target.”
Fintag says Capitalism. It is brutal but the good times were good and the bad times help us appreciate the good times. It is about time, before my memory goes the way of Julie Christie, to document the fun I have had in this space. "Finbar: Man of god, filth and the fury". Or how about "From Starbucks to Star [Editor: Censored". Or what about "When Hedgies ruled the world?". Or "The golden years of nihilism in front of a Bloomberg terminal?". Maybe not.
But let us not be hasty for good news always follows bad news.
bloomberg says " Pinpoint Rising China Fund Assets Fall 69% After Manager Quits "
CASH-STRAPPED COMPANIES TO ASK SHAREHOLDERS FOR MORE FUNDING
Dozens of British companies are set to launch new rights issues over the coming weeks in an attempt to pay down their debts and repair their cash-starved balance sheets.
Hammerson, the UK property company which was behind the recent redevelopment of Birmingham's Bullring shopping centre, is expected to kick off the current round of fund-raising today, unveiling plans to tap its shareholders for around £600m. British Land, another property group, is also considering launching a rights issue of around £500m - and may make an announcement when it publishes its third-quarter results on Thursday.
Fintag says Good luck. Maybe the UK government should underwrite all Rights Issues? There you go. Another freebie stimulus idea. It is fun spending my taxes.
DAVID SIROTA: "OBAMA'S TEAM OF ZOMBIES" (UPDATED: FRANK RICH ON GEITHNER)
David Sirota at Salon gives a concise, brutal assessment of Obama's economic team and its priorities.
We've now had two bait and switch Presidents in succession. Bush promised "compassionate conservatism" and dragged the country far to the right, enriching those at the top of the food chain and leaving everyone else with the empty promise of "trickle down economics." Obama promised change, but his economic team is slavishly loyal to the interests of the financial elite who steered the financial system onto the shoals and now expect all of us to patch the hull and somehow get it back into navigable water. Yes, we have some gestures to appease the downtrodden, like restrictions on private jets and largely meaningless promises of salary caps (Lucien Bebchuk, a Harvard Law professor and expert on corporate governance, described how they do little to restrict total comp). Summers and Geithner are proteges of Robert Rubin, former Goldman co-CEO, and they are proving true to form, promoting even more borrowing in a doomed-to-fail-or-be-counterproductive effort to achieve status quo ante, the very conditions that lead to this shipwreck. Paul Volcker, who is enough of an old-fashioned banker that he might have been able to exert a moderating influence, appears to have been marginalized.
Fintag says As I said before Boring Obama, or is that Barrack Oboring, became president he would be useless.
And it is becoming so. I mean most stand up comics are struggling to parody the man without being hauled away by the politically correct police (see, I was going to mention the golliwog but I was stopped in my tracks). Not only is he dull, his happy potter family nauseating but the man is trying to be Tony Blair.
OK. That is a bit harsh. Let us give him another 3 months before we come to any conclusions.
naked shorts says " Queen Mary, comic for the ages "
Hedge funds didn't waste any time turning things around after their worst year in history. A pair of indices from Hedge Fund Research show something that hasn't been seen for many months: A positive year-to-date return.
Hedge funds added 1.1% in January, according to the HFRX Global Hedge Fund Index, and 0.39%, according to the HFRI Fund Weighted Composite Index. And the indices show another pleasant development, with the overwhelming majority of strategies in the black.
Fintag says Now some of the riff raff have gone, the super gods come back after a year off.
So where are the hacks reporting this wonderful news?
ft alphaville says " Hedge funds see signs of recovery "
Hedge funds are showing interest in potentially borrowing money from the Federal Reserve to buy securities backed by auto loans.
In the next week or two, the Fed is expected to announce the terms under which investors can borrow from its $200bn term asset-backed lending facility (Talf), which will determine whether hedge funds will be able to borrow cheaply enough to make investments in the auto loan-backed securities worthwhile.
Fintag says There we go again. Hedgies to the rescue. Personally I think the TARP or whatever it is called today should be managed by some Hedgies.
Bloomberg will make the first redundancies in its 18-year history when the financial news provider cuts its foreign-language television service.
The current economic decline has been too powerful to withstand. When Lehman Brothers collapsed last year, the bank closed almost 4,000 Bloomberg screens, immediately wiping out 1 per cent of the news provider's customer base.
Fintag says I sent some Bloomberg terminals back to their owners last week because I couldn't justify spending thousands of dollars a month for an email system. My prices come via feeds so it is no loss. I will miss trying typing in codes and hitting GO and trying to understand why page up and down doesn't make the pages go up and down. And that lovely orange and black - just a great DOS combo.
I hope this isn't the reason for the cost cutting at Bloomberg.
FUND MANAGERS REACT ANGRILY TO FSA PLAN TO NAME ALL SHORT-SELLERS
Fund managers reacted angrily yesterday after the Financial Services Authority (FSA) said that it may force UK stock market investors to make public almost all information about their short-selling activities.
Short-sellers, including many hedge funds, borrow shares whose price they expect to fall and then sell them in the hope of making a profit by later buying them back more cheaply and returning them to their owner. Last September the FSA placed a ban on the short-selling of shares in 34 financial companies, which expired on January 16. At the time it also ordered any investor who was short of up to 0.25percent of a company's share capital to disclose it to the market. Now it is considering widening the disclosure requirement to the 3,000-plus stocks traded across British exchanges.
Fintag says You mean all the long only managers being caught short?
A former hedge fund manager has been charged for his role in an alleged insider trading ring.
Joseph Contorinis, a former Jefferies Asset Management portfolio manager, and two others are accused of leaking confidential information about the acquisition in 2006 of the supermarket chain Albertsons, allowing family and friends to make more than $11.6 million in illicit profits.
Fintag says There is always some muppet, American of course [Editor: Good job he wan'st Scottish], to spoil what looked like a great period for us Hedgies.
The head of the Blackstone Group's fund of funds group is leaving the firm, Blackstone told investors last week.
Bruce Amlicke has resigned as chief investment officer of Blackstone Alternative Investment Management's fund of funds division to spend more time with his family, The Wall Street Journal reports. Amlicke will remain with Blackstone for a transition period of a few months; his position will not be filled.
Fintag says Spending more time with his family. A bit like what most investment bankers are currently doing?
28 comments
Panta said ...
Hi Fin...Today I am English...guess why....
09 Feb 09 - 08:03 gmt
anonymous said ...
we are pretty inclusive here Panta, but we would rather not accept a racist low sperm count italian if it's all the same to you
09 Feb 09 - 08:15 gmt
Panta said ...
...I am not racist...thanks for the early morning compliments....i
09 Feb 09 - 08:25 gmt
moneypenny said ...
Finbar Taggit, Is he really god? Did I miss something?
09 Feb 09 - 08:55 gmt
anonymous said ...
"As I said before Boring Obama, or is that Barrack Oboring, became president he would be useless" hahah you say a lot of sh*t
09 Feb 09 - 08:55 gmt
anonymous said ...
i recall panta last yr excusing Berlusconi's reference to Obama's 'sun tan' proving that he is indeed a very dubious fellow
09 Feb 09 - 08:56 gmt
anonymous said ...
see also attempts on this blog by his fellow italians to justify the spanish basketball picture at the last olympics.
09 Feb 09 - 09:02 gmt
Panta said ...
....@Anon: Why all this bitterness today...what is wrong with you mate? seem you had a bad week end..God excuse him because he don't know what he s talking about....
09 Feb 09 - 09:11 gmt
Moron said ...
bitter anon needs to be loved...stop beating him up guys....nobody wants to be nasty.....its just that if others r nasty to u then it makes u evil....love people, treat them with respect and they will reciprocate in the same way....the idiot has spoken again:))
09 Feb 09 - 09:24 gmt
Moron said ...
that idiot Moron....he talks so much rubbish...but he is usually right:)))))!!
09 Feb 09 - 09:28 gmt
fitzcaraldo said ...
"The golden years of nihilism in front of Bloomberg terminal", great Fin, what about "A trader's flirt with Nietzsche"...?
09 Feb 09 - 09:32 gmt
Super Mario said ...
I said this last yr and say it again...That pic of the spanish basketball team was funny, and no im not a racist
09 Feb 09 - 10:21 gmt
Super Mario said ...
Last time i remember it was the english who ruled and oppresed most of world during the colonial days
09 Feb 09 - 10:24 gmt
anonymous said ...
Super Mario...yes you are a racist
09 Feb 09 - 11:10 gmt
KONG said ...
@Panta, hope you enjoyed the rugby, shame your coach's selection gave us a 3 try head start, but we needed it.
09 Feb 09 - 11:10 gmt
Panta said ...
@ Kong....lol the atmosphere was great..so different from soccer..I enjoyed the match...and today I am english :)
09 Feb 09 - 12:27 gmt
KONG said ...
@ Panta, I'd suggest going for being Welsh or Irish over the next month, being English will only land you more defeats. : (
09 Feb 09 - 13:37 gmt
Alpha60 said ...
England were abysmal against the italians... Can't say were doing much better in the cricket either!
09 Feb 09 - 14:26 gmt
Barbie said ...
I knew you loved the Scots - that is Highland Fling Barbie
09 Feb 09 - 14:44 gmt
Boaster said ...
Shame about Obama, would like him to work things out but "hope" giving way to "fear", doom & gloom. Not to mention whatever passes the Senate isn't going to work, autos still need a bailout, etc. Russia, Iran & N. Korea tested O in the last 10days with little said from his office. Added to shorts on Fri, long oil (think Netanyahu-led Israel). What from MsR? Where are your Aussie relatives? They safe?
09 Feb 09 - 15:01 gmt
Moron said ...
i think we have seen the highs in the market for 2009 ... its all downhill from here....this is as good as it will get!
09 Feb 09 - 15:04 gmt
MsR said ...
@Boaster: Thank you for asking. Melbourne has been like an oven..and of course they've had a water shortage for five years, everyone is exhausted. They are fine as they live in the city but the smoke and ash is everywhere. @Alpha 60. We can't play cricket either.
09 Feb 09 - 15:17 gmt
anonymous said ...
Another brave call from Moron...hope it proves better than you fri prediction :))
09 Feb 09 - 16:16 gmt
Moron said ...
just saying it as i see it:))
09 Feb 09 - 16:17 gmt
anonymous said ...
hey moron, how are you finding the high cost of borrow?
09 Feb 09 - 17:29 gmt
anonymous said ...
Reckon Moron is finding his borrows just a tad pricey - SPX breaching 870
09 Feb 09 - 19:08 gmt
finfaq said ...
"The media have decided that nobody in finance is allowed to earn more than a road sweeper" Make that "binman" who make around 30k. Coming from a Bank (preferably prime brokerage) most of your skills will be transferable. Some minor differences: You will collect real rubbish instead of bullshit and you are allowed to keep anything you collect and fancy (think margin calls, collateral). call me if you're interested
facebook
free daily e-mail
feed
